Realizations of a SelfProclaimed Loser
by lelahbu
Summary: "Since I'm such a loser, why should she love me the way I love her?"
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey guys, so basically I came up with this concept at like 4 in the morning when I watched Deathly Hallows Part 2 again and I caught a line Neville says about Luna, "I'm mad for her…" and I loved the line so wrote this story down on a crumpled, ripped up piece of paper and so I figured I'd document it. This takes place in Neville's 6**__**th**__** year, so Half-Blood Prince time. I'm pretty sure this is just going to be a one-shot. I hope you enjoy! **_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the Harry Potter characters. **_

**Neville's POV **

I haven't slept since I realized I was in love with Luna. It's been almost a week and a half now. I don't know what's gotten into me but I've been skipping most of my classes. I really only show up to Herbology, yet I'm still inattentive. My days have basically consisted of getting out of bed after laying for hours and going down to the Great Hall for breakfast but making little to no conversation and staring at Luna. After breakfast I go back to my dormitory and just lay there and think.

About Luna.

About the future.

About life.

After breakfast I basically only get out of bed to eat, use the Lou, or go to Herbology.

It's a funny thing, falling in love. Because you're so confused yet so sure of yourself at the same time. Love is a wonderful and terrible feeling simultaneously. It's almost like you feel like you can do anything—almost like you are invincible. And then five minutes later, you feel like you're not worth anything and will amount to nothing. It's strange, but lovely.

The think about Luna is she is genuine.

And smart.

And witty.

And _beautiful_.

And sometimes I can't put into words how incredible she is. But if you'd met her, you'd understand what makes her so easy to fall in love with.

At the same time I'm afraid. Afraid that people will find out and make fun of me for thinking that I can actually get a girl to like me. Afraid of what she will say or think if she finds out from someone other than me. Afraid that she might not feel the same way.

There are lots of things that keep me up at night.

Luna's face.

Luna's voice.

Luna's eyes.

But another thing that keeps me up at night is fear. I should probably explain myself. You see, sometimes I can hear Harry moan Ginny's name in his sleep. And the same with Ron sometimes, only he calls for Hermione, even though he's dating Lavender Brown. But see, those "crushes" are obvious to _everyone,_ especially to my other roommates, Dean and Seamus. I don't know how Dean feels about Harry calling for Ginny in his sleep, but I don't really care about that right now. I care about Luna. And I'm afraid that I might say Luna's name in my sleep, revealing to my roommates of my love for her.

Now let me explain because I probably sound like a bad guy right now, but, I can't tell people of my love for Luna because I'm already insecure enough. I can't take anymore teasing, and if people find out they'll tease me for thinking I can get a girl. And if Luna were to find out, my life would be over. I get made fun of enough as it is, and for her to not return the feelings; boy, that would boost my self esteem.

So I basically came to this conclusion after all my days of thinking long and hard about this, since I'm such a loser, why should she love me the way I love her?


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hello, everyone! You all thought I should continue, so here's what I came up with! Hope you enjoy, and don't be a silent reader! **_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the Harry Potter characters. **_

**Neville's POV **

"_You haven't seen Luna have you?" "Luna?" "I'm mad for her, and it's about time I told her, since we'll probably both be dead by dawn!" And then I ran off. _

I thought of that incident that happened earlier. I wonder what Harry and Ginny thought after I left them on the staircase. Did they think I was crazy? More of a loser?

I never actually did find Luna. I gave up after about an hour and a half later, when we heard Voldemort's voice radiate through the air. I decided it could wait and that I needed to fight. I found the sorting hat in the rubble of the castle in the middle of the court yard. It wasn't until Hagrid came back to the castle from the Forbidden Forrest with Harry's dead body in his arms with the rest of the Death Eaters that I saw her, but I figured this probably wasn't the right time. But I could try to impress her. Voldmort was right there, proclaiming that Harry was dead. I saw Bellatrix Lestrange, and almost chocked. _She tortured my parents. _I thought. It made me more mad, which made me want to stick up for myself. In front of everyone, including Luna, Bellatrix, and Lord Voldemort.

I limped forward, and Voldemort said, "Well I must say, I hoped for better…" I sighed, almost expecting myself to just back up and get back in line with everyone else. But I didn't. Voldemort continued, "And who might you be, young man?" I didn't know if I should have answered, with Bellatrix Lestrange standing right there, but the next thing I knew, I had chocked out, "Neville Longbottom." The Death Eaters laughed. "Well, Neville, I'm sure we can find a place for you in our ranks…" Voldemort started to say before I cut him off with "I'd like to say something." Voldemort looked annoyed, probably because people probably don't normally cut him off. "Well, Neville, I'm sure we'd all be fascinated to her what you'd like to say." Voldemort retorted sarcastically.

I took a breath and started. "It doesn't matter that Harry's gone." I started to say.

"Stand down, Neville!" Seamus called.

"People die everyday! Friends, family. Yeah, we lost Harry tonight. But he's still with us…in here," I said, motioning to myself. I tried reaching to my heart, but my arm was so tired it looked like I motioned to my stomach. I figured people understood so I kept going. "So is Fred, Remus, Tonks…all of them. But they didn't die in vain." I turned to look directly at Voldemort. He had a gruesome satisfied smile on his face. "But you will. Because you're wrong! Harry's heart did beat for us! For all of us!" By the end I was shouting, but it didn't matter. It made it more powerful. I reached into the sorting hat and pulled out the Sword of Gryffindor. Harry flew out of Hagrid's arms and the two of them started to duel. I decided I needed to find the snake considering I had the sword right there.

I must have passed out because I woke up in the broken-down infirmary. I saw the Sword of Gryffindor sitting right there beside me, almost as if it were waiting for me to wake up. I grabbed it and started running. Looking for Nagini. I ran into one of corridors when I saw Ron and Hermione running down the stairs running from her. I ran after it, and Ron and Hermione plunged off the stairs and into debris. The snake was about to bite when I sliced the snake in half. The snake kind of just burst into what looked like ashes. Ron and Hermione looked at me in astonishment and I just stood there panting, completely amazed at what I had just done. I continued to stand there as Harry killed Voldemort. It was almost as I was in a trance as I took a seat in the ruined Great Hall. I just sat there, loosely holding the sword. It wasn't until someone sat next to me that I came into reality. I glanced next to me only to realize it was Luna. I smiled at her. And she smiled back. That looked like a good sign.

"Hi, Luna," I greeted her.

"Hello, Neville," she said.

"How are you? Glad to see you're not dead." I replied.

"Yes, it is rather great isn't it?" she asked. I nodded, smiling to myself. There was a bit of a pause until Luna said, "I liked your speech, Neville."

I thanked her. "Yeah, after I started, the words just sort of came out."

"Well it was nice. You were right you know, about Harry living in us. Even though he wasn't dead." Luna said, smiling. I grinned. My heart rate probably went up in the last 5 minutes because I could feel my heart pounding. Harry went through the Great Hall, and everyone stared. Harry looked at me, and grinned. I didn't know if it was because I had killed Nagini, because I was sitting next to Luna and he knew I liked her, or both.

I looked over at Luna, who was gazing around at the destruction of the Great Hall. The natural light that was shining through the broken windows made Luna's hair glisten and her eyes sparkle. I decided that I should tell her now. It was the perfect time and if I didn't I might not ever have a chance. So I braced myself and then said, "Luna, I fancy you, and I was wondering if you feel the same way about me."

Luna looked at me with curiosity. She grinned slightly. "You do?" She asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. A lot. But it makes since if you don't like me back because I'm a loser but I just wanted to get it out there so…"

"Neville, you're not a loser. You're a hero." She smiled. I grinned.

"Luna! Luna!" I turned around and saw her dad calling her and looking everywhere frantically. I turned back around as Luna stood. I thought she was going to leave without an answer, but she said, "Of course I fancy you, Neville." She then leaned down and kissed me on the cheek before she left to join her father.

_**I felt like I needed to start off during the battle but I'm definitely a romance writer which is why the part where I talk about the battle kind of sucks a lot more than my usual writing. **_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hello! I figured I should update this a bit. Hope you like! **_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the Harry Potter characters. That's JK Rowling's job. **_

**Neville's POV**

I awoke in my old dormitory in pain the day morning after the war. My muscles were sore and I had a pounding headache. Planks of wood that lined the ceiling were falling off, and there was a hole in the window. Looking around, I assumed everyone was still asleep. I sat up in bed and saw a note on my trunk. I picked it up and read it to myself.

_Neville, _

_I'm sorry I had to leave, but my father was very worried. _

_I'd just like to say, I know I believe in a lot of things that people say are made up, but one thing I believe in that I know is real is how I feel about you. _

_Meet me in the courtyard at noon?_

_-Luna _

I looked at the ticking clock mounted on the wall. 11:45._ What? How could I have let myself sleep so late? _I thought. I rushed out of bed and opened my trunk, rummaging through my things until I found the cleanest clothes I could find. I must have been loud because I head Ron's voice, "Oi, Neville, what are you doing?" I turned to see him sitting up in bed, looking very groggy. "Oh never mind, I'll explain later!" I called as I ran out of the room. I needed to bathe. I ran to the bathroom and started a shower. As it warmed up I looked at myself in the mirror. _God, I need some cleaning up. _I thought. I undressed and got into the shower. It was probably the quickest shower I had ever taken. I dried myself off as fast as I could and got dressed. I fixed my hair in the mirror and checked the clock before I exited the bathroom. 11:58. I started panicking as I ran as fast as I could to the courtyard. Running down hallways, passing few people, pushing through corridors, I finally made it to the courtyard.

I glanced around and saw Luna standing over to the side, gazing up at the sky mindlessly. My heart skipped a beat when I saw her. I took a deep breath and let it out. I fixed my hair a little bit, and then I started to walk toward her. As I walked over to where she was standing, it felt surreal. I tapped on her shoulder. She turned at it felt like one of those cliché movies when a guy sees a girl he likes and there are lights all around and angels singing and they're like, glowing and stuff. But that's literally what I saw. And it felt like my heart melted.

"Oh, hello, Neville! Glad you could make it." Luna greeted me.

"Me, too," I said, grinning. Luna grinned back and then looked back up at the sky.

"Do you notice how the sky is brighter today? I think that's because He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is gone." Luna said. I looked up at the sky.

"Uh, yeah, I guess it's brighter." I said.

"And the air feels crisper." Luna added.

I took a deep breath. She was kind of right.

"Anyway, I felt like we should talk." Luna said, not looking away from the sky.

"Okay, yeah, about what?" I asked.

"About us. We fancy each other, right?" Luna replied with a question.

"I hope so." I said, looking at her. Luna was still staring up at the sky, which was weird, because she's normally so confident about everything, but I had a feeling she kept looking at the sky because she was shy.

"Lovely." Luna replied. I was kind of just staring at her staring at the sky. That is, until Luna turned to look at me. I didn't really know what to do, because I've never really dated anyone before. Sure I took Ginny to the Yule Ball but nothing really happened. I kind of just studied her face, her beautiful blue eyes, her smooth, light pink cheeks, and her lips. I stood there, staring at her lips.

Luna nodded. "It's alright Neville," she said.

"Huh?" I asked.

"It's alright. You can kiss me." Luna said.

I felt my face flush with embarrassment because she caught me staring. I raised my eyebrows and lifted my eyes into hers. I guess this was it. I was going to kiss her. Me being inexperienced, I just sort of stared as Luna started to lean forward. I just followed Luna's lead, hoping she knew what she was doing. The next thing I knew, my lips were on hers. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer as she put her arm around my neck. We kissed for what seemed like an endless amount of time, when in reality it was probably a minute or two.

The best moment of my life ended and Luna smiled grinned at me. We stood there arms around each other, and I was trying to comprehend what had just happened. Whatever it was, it felt right.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hi readers! I'm really starting to get into this story…I don't know what's come over me…haha. But yeah, so here's another update…so enjoy and all that. **_

_**Oh and I need to explain something, I don't know if I'm going to do any of this in Luna's POV. Because Luna is hard to write for, she's unpredictable and out there, so I don't know if I'd write it correctly. Neville's pretty easy because I can relate. **_

_**But yeah still enjoy! **_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the Harry Potter characters. **_

**Neville's POV **

The few minutes after we kissed, I felt like the world was spinning. It was a good kind of spinning, though. Next thing I knew I was in my dormitory, Ron dressed and Seamus just waking up.

"Where were you? You left in a hurry." Ron asked.

"With Luna," I replied, sitting on my bed, grinning to myself. There was a silence, as if they were waiting for me to explain more, but I didn't so Ron just said, "Okay…" in a kind of confused voice. Seamus started to get dressed as well, and we all sat there in silence. I decided to think about Luna. I just started daydreaming. I wondered what our future was going to be like together. I could see us together for a long time. I must have been thinking about this for a long time because when I snapped back into reality, both Dean and Harry were awake.

"I don't want to talk about it…" Harry said.

"But come on mate, you're going to have to open up eventually," said Ron.

"I will, but not now." Harry replied, looking annoyed. I assumed they were talking about the war. Dean and Seamus were both staring at Harry, who was sitting in bed. Ron got up and declared he was going to go look for Hermione. After Harry left I wondered how Ron felt about Fred.

"He's probably in shock or something, he doesn't look sad." Seamus said. I realized I must have been thinking aloud, and I felt myself turning red.

"He's probably going out to go snog Hermione, of course he's in shock." Harry said, who was now laying and staring at the ceiling.

Ron and Hermione were together now? When did this happen? It was then that I realized maybe the war was a good thing. Sure, people died, but it brought us together. Not just romantically, but as friends. Even though all five of us were roommates, this was probably the longest conversation we'd all had _together_.

It was also then that I realized how starving I was. I promptly stood up and left the room, starting to go to the Great Hall. As I was closing the door, I heard Seamus say, "What has gotten into him lately?"

I glided passed the common room (sure enough, Ron and Hermione were snogging in the corner), and through the corridor. Going down many steps, I ran into Cho Chang.

"Neville!" She said. "I've been looking for you." I just stared. Cho Chang had never really talked to me before. "This is for you." She said, handing me a small piece of paper. Another note. Cho walked away as I started to read.

_Neville, _

_We still haven't talked. _

_Astronomy tower. 6:00. _

_-Luna_

-Later-

After I had gotten to the astronomy tower, I saw Luna. She was sitting on a blanket and leaning against the wall, gazing up at the stars.

"Do that a lot, do you?" I asked.

"Do what?" She asked.

"Look at the sky." I replied.

"Why yes, it's beautiful," said Luna.

"May I sit?" I asked.

"Of course," she said.

I joined her on the blanket, and mimicked her position, leaning against the wall. Since she felt the same way about me, I decided I needed to be bold. I lightly grabbed her hand. Luna noticed and smiled.

"So I've got things I need to know." Luna said.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like…" she paused, "Like when you knew you liked me."

I looked at her. "Uh, around my sixth year. But I was always kind of infatuated with you." I replied. Luna nodded. "What about you?" I asked.

"To be honest, beginning of my fourth year, I liked Ron. But I saw the way he looked at Hermione, so I sort of gave up. And then Harry started the D.A., and that's kind of when I fell for you." Luna answered.

"I'm glad you gave up on Ron." I said.

Luna smiled. "Me too." We sat there for a moment, looking at the stars. There was a silence but it was a good silence. Sitting there, alone with Luna, holding her hand, was peaceful. It was nice. I felt like I was on top of the world. "So," Luna began, breaking the silence, "Are we together now?" Luna asked. I admired her confidence. I would never have been able to ask her that.

"Do you want to be? I sure do." I replied. Luna smiled.

"Yes. I want to be." She said.

"Well it's settled then." I said, smiling. That's when Luna kissed me again. The simple kiss soon turned into snogging. She turned and moved so that her knees were around my legs and that she was on top of me. I had a feeling we both weren't used to this and we were just doing what we saw in muggle movies or what we saw others doing in common rooms. I knew I was. And I had never really seen Luna with anyone.

Kissing her was like magic. You loved to do it and you couldn't get enough. And just like magic, we both had to study kissing. Which is why, I think we spent almost half the night doing it. We'd kiss, break apart, look up at the sky, talk, and kiss again. All in all, it was wonderful.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hey there! Yes, I'm updating two times in one day but I came up with this and I didn't want to forget about it and then write a whole different chapter. Enjoy!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the Harry Potter characters but I wish I did. **_

**Neville's POV **

_As Luna and I sat on her roof, looking out into the distance, I realized how happy I was and how much I really loved her. "I love you," I told her. "I love you, too," she replied. We kiss. I remember her voice like it was yesterday. _

I sighed as I thought of the fond memory—the first time Luna and I exchanged "I love you"-s. It had been in the summer before Luna started her seventh year at Hogwarts. It was a good time in our lives. I then thought of when we broke up.

_I got a letter from her in summer after her last year at Hogwarts. She wanted me to come to her house because she had something to tell me. I felt nervous about leaving Gran—she was sick. But she knew how I felt about Luna and she gave me permission. So I then apparated to Luna's house. She answered the door and she gave me a quick hello kiss as she pulled me inside. We went up to her room for some privacy and she didn't delay her news. _

"_I've been asked to join a group of wizards to go exploring to find rare creatures. They're paying me two thousand galleons my first three months." She had told me. _

"_Luna that's great!" I exclaimed. _

"_But Neville, don't you see the problem? I have to leave. The job is in Eastern Europe." She said. _

"_Oh," I muttered. _

"_You'll come with me right?" she asked. _

"_Luna, I'd love to but I can't." I said. _

"_What? Why?" She asked. _

"_Because Gran is sick. Really sick. She's the one who took care of me almost my entire life, and I just can't get up and leave her in her time of need. I'm sorry." I explained. _

"_I don't think I can do this without you. You need to come. This is probably my only shot at this." She said. _

"_Well, I'm sorry, but I have to take care of my grandmother." I said. _

_There was a bit of a pause before Luna said, "If you loved me, you'd come." _

_I was then infuriated. How could she even say that? _

_I retorted with "If you loved _me_, you'd understand why I can't go." _

"_Neville, it's not like you don't have cousins or anything…" she trailed off. _

"_I can't believe you're being so selfish about this, Luna. I'm sorry, but I can't go." I said again. _

"_How am I being selfish? I just want you to be with me. I don't know if I can do it without you." She asked. _

"_Luna, I love you, but I need to stay here with Gran." I said, looking straight into her eyes. That's when she started to get mad. _

"_Well, fine then, be that way." She said, turning away from me. _

"_Luna, I can't believe you're acting like this!" I said, almost shouting_

"_I can't believe _you're _acting like this!" She was actually shouting at me._

"_You know what, just forget it. If you can't respect my family, then I'm going home. I might see you when you get back, but no promises." I said, before making my way out. _

"_Wait! Neville! Are you breaking up with me?" She asked. _

"_Uh, yeah, kinda!" I said. Looking back I regret saying that, realizing how mean it was. I made my way to the front door, the entire time hearing Luna call my name. I then heard, "Neville, please wait! I love you!" And that's when I apparated. _

Looking back, that wasn't our first fight, but it was our biggest. And also, I didn't know who was right. Luna had her reasoning, but I also had mine.

A few days after our break up, Gran died. I had to move out, because the memories of her house were too much to bear. I was feeling sadder and sadder by the day. Once, when I was in my slump, I went to a pub. And that's she came into my life. No, not Luna. Hannah Abbott. She noticed me at the pub and started talking to me. We were just catching up, but it soon escalated into us doing everything together. She moved into my new Muggle apartment, and almost a year and a half later we were engaged. I'm sure you're wondering why I am thinking about Luna when I'm engaged to Hannah, so let me explain.

I was just sitting the small space we called our living room, when Hannah entered with our mail.

"Nev, this letter is addressed to you," she told me, holding the envelope out. I looked at the return address, but there wasn't a name, just an address. Hannah left the room as I opened up the letter.

_My Dearest Neville, _

_How are you? How is your grandmother? I hope she's fine, I know it's been a few years. How are you doing on your auror duties? _

_I'm doing well. We haven't found much yet, but I am confident we'll find something soon. I've made many friends while I've been here, and for once I feel like I belong. It's lovely. _

_Neville, I'm not going to sit here and bore you, so I'm just going to get to my point of this letter. _

_I'm sorry, Neville. So sorry. Looking back, I realize how selfish I was being. You needed to be there for your grandmother and I should have listened. Neville, I think about you a lot. I miss you, and to be honest, I think I still love you. _

_Will you ever forgive me? _

_Always Yours, Luna_

Reading that made my heart stop. I didn't know if I should be happy or sad or angry. I instantly got up and rushed into my bedroom. I pulled open a drawer on my night stand that I kept random little things in. Rummaging through it, I found what I was looking for. A picture that Luna and I had takenback when we were dating. It was a picture of us kissing. Looking at the small and somewhat crumpled photograph, I grinned a little bit. I couldn't help but smile at the memory. Then I snapped out of it. I was engaged. And I loved Hannah. I promptly searched for some parchment and something to write with, and began my letter.

**Luna's POV**

About a week after I'd send Neville, that letter, I got a reply. I was so excited, I flopped myself on my cot and tore it open.

_Dear Luna, _

_I'm doing well. Auror duties have been going fine, but I'm thinking of being a Herbology professor at Hogwarts. What do you think? _

_I still think about you all the time. But, Luna? Do you remember Hannah Abbott from Hufflepuff? She was in my year? Anyway, after you left, Gran died soon after. I started feeling really depressed, with us broken up, you gone, and Gran dying. Well, Hannah and I caught up again and she was the one there to comfort me. Well, we live together now and I've asked her to marry me, and she's said yes. _

_I'm so sorry Luna._

_I still forgive you, but I'll never forgive myself for letting you go._

_Love, Neville_

_P.S. – I have fallen in love with Hannah, but that doesn't mean I've fallen out of love with you._

That's when I started crying. Tears rolled down my face. I didn't cry aloud, just softly, to myself, but I cried, nonetheless. _Neville was with someone else now_, I had to tell myself, _He's happy. That's all I really wanted, right? _Even though he was happy, I couldn't help but cry.

That's when my friend Rolf found me. He was working with me, in our hunt to find rare creatures, and we'd become good friends over the two and a half years we'd been working here. That night, with Rolf comforting me, is when we fell for each other. Or at least when I fell for him.

Neville, though, still remained a fond memory.

Every time we saw each other after our exchange of letters, we shared smiles, laughs, and memories.

It's because of Neville that I believe you can love more than one person at a time.

**Neville's POV**

Though I'm married to Hannah, and don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy with her, I sometimes still miss being with Luna, and the love that we shared.


End file.
